Hi, my name is Christina, and I'm a recovering perfectionist. I was the little girl who, at three years old, was lining up shoes under my bed and shelving my books according to their height
I know a few things about the blurred line between healthy and unhealthy attitudes toward having a nice home and an orderly environment. I struggled with "coulda, shoulda, woulda" for a long time.
Say No to Shame
..."If only I could get my kids to clean up their rooms, then I can have people over"...
..."If only I could tackle that remodeling project, then we can invite the boss to dinner"...
..."I'd like to get to know my neighbors, but our furniture is Early American Yard Sale"...
..."I can't even keep up with my laundry, let alone find time to volunteer or serve"...
..."If only I was more organized, then everything would be better"...
..."When we have more money, then I'll feel better about hosting family dinners"...
..."When I get caught up with the landscaping, then we'll have that birthday picnic for Susie"...
Someone will always have more than you, but a lot of people have less than you do. Will your friends and family remember the cobweb in the corner, or the bright smile on your face and a warm cup of coffee?
I have a friend who PURPOSEFULLY ignores some cleaning chores, depending on who her guests might be. She knows that if she sets the bar too high, they will feel awkward and hesitate to return the invitation. Amazing, right?
That was a real revelation for me, since I always thought my dirt and clutter was what would make them uncomfortable.
People remember how you make them feel. Consider that having a house that looks like Better Homes and Gardens might be a wee bit intimidating. Having a home where there is laughter and space to breathe is nothing to be ashamed of.
Missed the first, second or third post in this series?
Say No to Guilt
Can't hold a candle to the culinary skills your sister-in-law possesses? Had to downsize your house because of finances? Been spending hours on Pinterest sighing at the lifestyles other people have?
Try to stop comparing your home or job or kids or your whatever to that of people around you. It won't make you feel better and rarely will inspire you to get ahead.
Don't get me wrong, this is hard. Still, I've come to the conclusion that guilt is one of those things that can get you down only if you let it. It's a choice to be okay with how you are. Celebrate the difference and focus on your strengths, not your perceived weaknesses.
Learn from Pain
Pain is a great teacher and can be a motivator. When it comes to disciplining children, a lot of psychologists talk about reality and natural consequences. These are painful but effective.
It's human nature to try to avoid all forms of pain and discomfort. Some people focus on organizing with the goal of preventing pain: I WILL NOT lose the keys again. I WILL get my papers figured out so I don't have to pay another late fee.
It's painful for your child to get a failing grade because an assignment was left at home.
It's painful to have your credit card rejected, especially in front of an audience.
It's painful when you have to pay outrageous overnight shipping charges because you forgot to order something in time.
But are reality consequences enough to get us to mend our ways and get proactive about (respectively) readying backpacks, keeping an eye on bills, and reviewing future obligations? It would be nice, but it's part of a process.
Next week I'll have a special post for you about goals and life themes, which I hope will help put all this in perspective and put some legs to this information.