Point A to Point B

My preschool age son is enjoying a new workbook that teaches pencil control.

It's really fun watching him concentrate (think of how people often stick their tongues out while cutting). He hasn't yet fully decided if he's left or right handed--we think it's probably left--so he's alternating hands.

He starts at the green dot, follows the path of whatever illustration (trash truck, flying bird, skier, etc.) and finishes at the red dot.

If only life were as neat, predictable and easy to navigate as workbook pages. Sigh.

(Can you tell I was one of those kids that got super excited about new books, notebooks and pens at the start of the school year?)

But here's what I'm learning: It's not just about getting from one dot to the other. It's what happens in between that really matters.

This weekend, my husband and I discussed my tendency to wish away the present as I anticipate the future. I was listening to some empty nesters talking about their impromptu plans to just head to the shore for a day. It sounded really nice.

I wish, oh how I wish, that I could be so spontaneous. I tell myself I could be spontaneous if I were an empty nester. But right now? I don't think we could do that. With a preschooler and toddler, it takes military-style tactical manuevers to get out the door.

Truthfully, I'm not sure I could do it, even without small children. I'd be worrying about what was left undone at home. I'd mentally be somewhere else, doing something different, again.

This is dangerous thinking.

If I don't purposefully choose a course for my life--or as a Christian, submit to God's will for it--there will always be a savvy marketer happy to help me fill my time and empty my wallet.

So I want to intentionally enjoy each moment. Stopping to smell the roses, if you will. This requires me to be proactive, setting goals to make this season meaningful. They don't have to be perfectly executed, but they will push me to aim higher than no goals at all.

It will also be important to try and stick with the plan when the day goes off course. As I've been reflecting during the past months (this is much bigger than one conversation with hubby), I've recognized how easy it is to react, explode with frustration, and vow to get less upset next time, without making any real changes.

In the next two weeks, I'm planning to take a big step back and sit in a quiet place where I can think clearly. I want to map out a general direction for the next few years, establish priorities, and maybe even draft a family values covenant.

I can't wait to get started, even if my progress is a little shaky for awhile.

Cultivating Contentment

A few weeks ago, I had a delightful conversation with a "Mentor Mom" at my MOPS group. She is also a friend of my husband's family, and someone I have come to admire for her hospitality, sewing, and all-around pleasant demeanor. Like my mother-in-law, she's a lady. 

(My late mother and me--we'd just be called women, and that's on a good day! Ha!)

Where was I? Right. This dear sister was showing solidarity and acknowledging just how challenging it can be to mother young children, be a wife, keep a home and still lead some degree of the life you had before children. Then she used a fascinating phrase...cultivating contentment.

Organizing Mistakes (Part Four: What's Your Motivation?)

This post concludes a series on mindsets and marketing ploys that sabotage attempts at real organization.

Hi, my name is Christina, and I'm a recovering perfectionist. I was the little girl who, at three years old, was lining up shoes under my bed and shelving my books according to their height

I know a few things about the blurred line between healthy and unhealthy attitudes toward having a nice home and an orderly environment. I struggled with "coulda, shoulda, woulda" for a long time.

Say No to Shame

..."If only I could get my kids to clean up their rooms, then I can have people over"...
..."If only I could tackle that remodeling project, then we can invite the boss to dinner"...
..."I'd like to get to know my neighbors, but our furniture is Early American Yard Sale"...
..."I can't even keep up with my laundry, let alone find time to volunteer or serve"...
..."If only I was more organized, then everything would be better"...
..."When we have more money, then I'll feel better about hosting family dinners"... 
..."When I get caught up with the landscaping, then we'll have that birthday picnic for Susie"... 

Someone will always have more than you, but a lot of people have less than you do. Will your friends and family remember the cobweb in the corner, or the bright smile on your face and a warm cup of coffee?

I have a friend who PURPOSEFULLY ignores some cleaning chores, depending on who her guests might be. She knows that if she sets the bar too high, they will feel awkward and hesitate to return the invitation. Amazing, right?

That was a real revelation for me, since I always thought my dirt and clutter was what would make them uncomfortable.

People remember how you make them feel. Consider that having a house that looks like Better Homes and Gardens might be a wee bit intimidating. Having a home where there is laughter and space to breathe is nothing to be ashamed of.

Missed the first, second or third post in this series?

Say No to Guilt

Can't hold a candle to the culinary skills your sister-in-law possesses? Had to downsize your house because of finances? Been spending hours on Pinterest sighing at the lifestyles other people have? 

Try to stop comparing your home or job or kids or your whatever to that of people around you. It won't make you feel better and rarely will inspire you to get ahead.

Don't get me wrong, this is hard. Still, I've come to the conclusion that guilt is one of those things that can get you down only if you let it. It's a choice to be okay with how you are. Celebrate the difference and focus on your strengths, not your perceived weaknesses.

Learn from Pain

Pain is a great teacher and can be a motivator. When it comes to disciplining children, a lot of psychologists talk about reality and natural consequences. These are painful but effective.
 

 
It's human nature to try to avoid all forms of pain and discomfort. Some people focus on organizing with the goal of preventing pain: I WILL NOT lose the keys again. I WILL get my papers figured out so I don't have to pay another late fee.

It's painful for your child to get a failing grade because an assignment was left at home.
It's painful to have your credit card rejected, especially in front of an audience.
It's painful when you have to pay outrageous overnight shipping charges because you forgot to order something in time.

But are reality consequences enough to get us to mend our ways and get proactive about (respectively) readying backpacks, keeping an eye on bills, and reviewing future obligations? It would be nice, but it's part of a process.

Next week I'll have a special post for you about goals and life themes, which I hope will help put all this in perspective and put some legs to this information.

Organizing Mistakes (Part One: January Whirlwind)

Welcome to Part One of a new series. I’ll be identifying common errors that sabotage our attempts at organization.

(For those of you who grew up in my era, cue the mental Beastie Boys soundtrack. Indulge for a few seconds. …And, now we’re back.)

Whether you are struggling to get organized or just want to be more organized, I’d imagine that you are tempted by the first culprit I’d like to address: the January whirlwind.

No matter where you look, the instant that Christmas is over, everyone is trying to restore order.
Stores reduce prices in attempts to move inventory. The radio station quickly (and frustratingly) switches back to their typical playlists at 12:01 am on December 26, leaving you with no more musical joy for holiday gatherings that happen after that moment. Magazines instruct invite you to tidy up your home, using photos with plenty of white in the palette. Everyone packs up the formerly adorable decorations that have now just become “clutter”. And there are New Year’s organizing resolutions aplenty.

Obviously, if you are still with me, you know that I believe getting organized is a good thing.

But more important is staying organized.

You know that it takes anywhere from 21 to 30 days to make an activity into a habit. You also know that changing your personal behaviors requires extra motivation and discipline. And if you have a family, you know you’ll also have a bit of convincing, training and reinforcing that you need to do.

Is this a wholesale decision to make on December 31? No, not at all. While I am wild about doing things as well as possible and as fast as possible, this is not the time nor the situation. Planning and patience are required.

January Do’s and Don’t’s

• Do not run to the store and wildly purchase bins or specialty containers.
• Do not empty out large quantities of cabinets or cupboards with the goal of wiping down and rearranging them. You will burn out. Quickly.
• Do not assume that one week of vacation and a full iPod will be enough to perfect the organization in your life.
•  Do set a timer and tackle one shelf or one drawer at a time.
• Do realize that small, successful steps will pave the way for you to make larger changes. It’s okay to start with a central place for keys and progress onto emptying the bedroom-turned-storage-closet. Later, much later.
• Do take time to identify the problem areas or “subjects” (e.g. paperwork, children’s belongings, kitchen storage) in your house and brainstorm ways to improve the problem with family members.
• Do take the list of disorganized issues (above) and assign each area to a month of the year. Work on each issue for a month and evaluate the impact.
• Do realize that staying organized will require ongoing effort. We’ll talk more about this later.

So, how are you doing with your New Year's resolutions?

Spiritual and Mental Clutter

Though I've posted links to Glynnis Whitwer's blog before, I was especially moved by her post today on quieting our hearts, minds and souls so that we can hear God's voice.

I hope you find it meaningful.

(Disclaimer: Though I enjoy Glynnis' blog and often read her devotionals, she has no idea who I am!)

The Stuff (Almost) No One Tells You About

I think this devotional was written just for me today. Maybe it will encourage you, too.

Reality Check

Hi, everyone. I'm sorry it's been over a month since I last wrote.

I assure you there is a good reason. Also, I assure you some positive changes are coming to my little corner of the blog world. (Hang with me for a few paragraphs).

Since the Internet is a big place, I don't want to put too many specifics out there. What you need to know is that everyone in my family is safe and managing for the most part.

When I was a working-outside-the-home gal, I worked in a retirement community and we learned about this group of folks called the "sandwich generation." Those are people who are caring for an elder in their family, often a parent, in addition to trying to raise their kids. Now I'm standing in the same shoes. Once again, I've had an a-ha moment, realizing how lightly I took this role. (I had the same kind of a-ha experience when my Mom passed away. I didn't really understand HOW hard it was or what was helpful to say to people.)

As I write this, I realize how petty this may sound, but this is the first time in my life that I'm just plain unable to see the bottom of my to-do list. And forget tackling those fun ideas I'm just starting to find on Pinterest, or the books I want to read, or keeping the amount of white space in my inbox that I want. I've found the outer limits of my "capability."

I'm sure many of you have lived or are living in this zone, treading water or just putting out fires. I'm trusting that it's going to be for a finite period of time, but I don't know. I've actually huffed around in weak moments saying, "I guess my life just isn't ever going to be about anything I want to do." Then I proceeded to go on and fantasize about maybe doing fun stuff in retirement.


It's disgusting the nasty stuff that lies dormant in your heart, isn't it? Clear countertops and decluttered closets don't mean pure thoughts, no sirree! Maybe I should have a t-shirt like the neighbor boy's that has a picture of a lobster and says "I'm a little bit shellfish."

So what does this mean for the blog?

For starters, I'm going to talk a little bit more about bringing balance into your life.

One of my goals right now is to be "present" wherever I find myself. That means not worrying about the dishes when I'm out in the yard with my kids. It also means not worrying about my kids when I'm listening to a healthcare provider giving me caregiving instructions. It means gazing into my husband's eyes and asking after him even when we're ready to collapse after the kids go to bed.

I'm also going to continue to try and allow myself to receive more help from others who love and care about me. Some of them read this blog, and I want them to know how grateful I am for them.

Finally, the blog might become a bit more about me. I purposefully kept it sterile in the beginning, and I still want to maintain professionalism and privacy. Still, we are all human, we are all growing during this journey of life, and we can't exist in a vacuum (...although my son thought it would be funny to go inside the dishwasher when I started it up tonight).

Are you feeling the tension between necessary responsibilities and time for self-expression and self-care? What kind of changes would you like to see from the blog? Thanks in advance for your comments!